My Kingdom for a Podium!

As promised, here's the second of my The Producers parodies (original lyrics can be found at this site). Hope it pleases; feedback is appreciated, as always.

"I Wanna Be a Professor"

*insert chorus of "Unhappy" here*

I spend my time recounting
My schooling and such.
To what is my life amounting?
At this rate, not much.
I have a secret desire
Hiding deep in my heart;
I earnestly aspire
To teach the Lib'ral Arts...

I wanna be a professor,
With a senior-level class.
I wanna be a professor,
Watch my students fail and pass.
I wanna be a professor,
Sport a tweed coat and a tie;
I wanna be a professor,
'Cause I'm just that kind of guy!

I wanna be a professor
At a place like Harvard U.
I wanna be a professor,
Have a PhD or two.
I wanna be a professor
With an office that's all mine.
And, if I were a professor,
Lots of homework I'd assign!

*song-and-dance interlude*

*School-Chorus Girls*
He wants to be a professor
With a wall-full of degrees.
He wants to be a professor,
Teaching ev'ry class with ease.
He wants to be a professor
Loved by students and by staff.
He wants to be a professor
Who can sell his autograph!

*back to main singer*
I wanna be the greatest, grandest,
And most fabulous professor in the world!

I wanna be a professor
And write more than you've ever seen.
I wanna be a professor
And maybe become a dean.
I wanna be a professor,
Show my brains off ev'ry day:
I'm gonna teach a course to show 'em
Love of hist'ry, math, or poem;
I wanna be a professor,
Never mind the awful pay!

I'm gonna be a professor...
Look out tenure, 'cause here I come!

"Major" Survey

Well, I promised my readers "I Wanna Be A Producer" "within a few days." Unfortunately, School didn't get the memo about my extra hours of free time, so I haven't been able to finish said parody. It's about half done, and I still plan to finish it, but at this point I'm not willing to stay up any later than I have been in order to do so. I hope to be slightly less swamped this weekend, so next week should see the posting of more ridiculousness (I hope).

In the meantime, here's a fun little survey/quiz/thingy that Ma Hoyt posted on her blog some time ago. I was curious about what my results would be, so I went ahead and took the quiz. And I must say, I was rather pleased with the results.

*****

You scored as English. You should be an English major! Your passion lies in writing and expressing yourself creatively, and you hate it when you are inhibited from doing so. Pursue that interest of yours! English 92% Engineering 75% Mathematics 75% Philosophy 75% Linguistics 67% Chemistry 58% Theater 50% Journalism 50% Psychology 50% Dance 42% Anthropology 42% Sociology 33% Biology 25% Art 25% What is your Perfect Major? (PLEASE RATE ME!!<3) created with QuizFarm.com

*****

Interesting that engineering and math came in so high, no? Of course, considering that those are what I was doing when I started out in college, I'm not terribly surprised. And it's nice to see philosophy (my current Grad-School Field-of-Choice) and linguistics (my previous GSFoC) up there, as well.

Silly Song Stealing

Despite my silence on the blogsphere, life has been going on unabated. While the events thereof are relatively un-post-worthy (i.e. "boring"), last night I was inspired to compose a bit of lyrical silliness. I don't think I could point to any one thing as the inspiration for doing this: it resulted from a combination of various things, chief among them some "interesting" comments made in one of my classes. It's not my best work, but I hope you'll find it entertaining. It's a parody of "When You Got It, Flaunt It" from The Producers. The original lyrics can be found here (among many other places) if you care to reference them.

****
"Knowledge Is Power"
(or "Scholarly Pride")
(or "When You've Got Brains, Flaunt 'Em")

When you've got it, flaunt it:
Write a book and show your stuff.
People say humility's a virtue,
But academic modesty can hurt you.

When you've got it, flaunt it:
Show your brilliance, let 'em know you're shrewd!
Your genius you must flash
If you want the fame and cash,
When you've got it, don't be subdued!

When you've got it, show it,
Put your hidden learning on display.
Some people dislike exaggeration,
But academics love a dissertation!

When you've got it, shout it!
Show your brains off, leave 'em all amazed!
Actors thrive on hype;
All a sage needs is pipe,
So if you've got it, get yourself praised!

When I was just a little boy in first grade,
My parents often gave me this advice:
In every class, don't hesitate to ace it,
Or you might have to take those classes twice.
Take them twice!

When you've got it, share it.
Let the public see your works arcane.
Some say snobbery is an offender,
But ev'ry scholar knows it gets you tenure!

If you've got it, give it:
Share your knowledge each and ev'ry hour!
Don't be silent, be verbose:
Give their ears an overdose.
When you've got it, knowledge is power!
****

Coming soon (within a few days): "I Wanna Be a Professor." Because I'm just that crazy.