The Other Edge of the Grammatical Sword

The more I study linguistics and various writing and speaking styles, the more I appreciate that there is no "best" language, at least not from a linguistic perspective.  Every language, dialect, and pidgin is equally "good" for its own racial/cultural purposes. 
 
Of course, that scientific perspective breaks down, and my problem with "bad" English comes in, when it comes to actual language use.  See, language is all about communication.  Differences in dialects often lead to confusion.  If everyone else in the room speaks "proper" English, your "Minority-Group" pseudo-English (Spanglish, Black English, etc.) is likely to earn you a lot of funny looks.  Likewise, if everyone in the audience speaks Ebonics, your flawless English (complete with pollysyllabic uber-words and periphrastic mumbo-jumbo) is going to create a serious language barrier. You have to tailor your speech pattern to your audience.  Most people don't use colloquialisms in their job interviews and college entrance essays.  Most people don't give a flying flip about the distinction between "who" and "whom" in their everyday conversations with their friends.  And you'd be more likely to hear expletives at a home-dinner-table debate than at a presidential debate (usually...).
 
If you were going to live in a foreign country, you'd probably make at least a token effort to learn the native language; to do otherwise would be to doom yourself to weeks or months of confusion and frustration.  In the same way, "minorities" in the U.S. ought to make an effort to learn and speak "proper" English, which is still the predominant dialect in this country.
 
Now that I've said that, let me assure you that I understand the value of the vernacular, the convenience of the casual, and the suitability of the slang.  In fact, I often bend the rules of "proper" English, especially in my speech, but sometimes in my writing, as well.
 
In the spirit of another list I made once upon a time, and to show that I'm not completely obsessed with "proper grammar," I have come up with a collection of the "mistakes" that I make on a quasi-regular basis.  This list is pretty short; I'm sure there are many more mistakes that I make, but I can't think of any right now, and I want to get this silly post published.
 
Grammatical "Errors" That I Regularly (And Intentionally) Make:
 
1.  Don't begin a sentence with a conjunction. 
 
2.  Don't end a sentence with a preposition. 
 
3.  Don't split infinitives. 
  
Again, this list is far from complete.  I'll add to it as I come up with new items.