Grammatical Goofs That Generally Get My Goat

I warned you that something like this would be coming: The Quintuple-G List (see post title). This is by no means an exhaustive list, but it's a good start. It probably seems anal to many people, but as a member of the Grammar Gestapo, I often take offense at errors in communication. My native tongue (English) has enough problems on its own without people mangling and mauling it.

I try very hard not to be a jerk about it, but I will probably point most of these mistakes out to you if you make them around me. Don't take it personally; I'm an Equal-Opportunity Nit-Picker. You will notice that my gripes are directed against grammatical mistakes, not necessarily the people who make them (except in the case of the final item on the list). "Hate the sin, not the sinner," and all that. If my corrections really bother you, let me know and I'll try to cut you some slack. Or you could do what I do, and try to be less erroneous in your use of the English Language.

So, without further ado, I present the following list of things people say (or write) that bother me:

1) Saying "asterick" instead of "asterisk" (*).

2) "Axing" questions (as opposed to "asking" them).

3) Mixing up "than" and "then." The former is used to compare things, the latter to indicate the passage of time: "Bob was stronger than Jim, but then Jim started working out."

4) Saying "I could care less," when what you clearly mean is "I couldn't care less." The former, which grew as the result of Laziness taking a chainsaw to the language, means almost exactly the opposite of what you wanted to say. If you don't believe me, I can draw you a very helpful picture of a "Caring Scale."

5) "etc." is an abbreviation for "et cetera;" it is pronounced "ET SET-er-uh" (or, if you're in a hurry, "ET SET-ruh"), not "ek-SET-er-uh." There are no "k" or "x" sounds to be found in the expression.

6) Abbreviating the contraction for "you all" as "ya'll" instead of "y'all."

7) Adding lots, of extra commas, that, you don't need.

8) When a sentence is lengthy and complex and needs commas and you don't put them in there that is also bad.

9) Confusing "its" and "it's." The former is a possessive adjective/adverb (or a plural noun, if you're feeling fanciful), while the latter is the contraction of "it is" ('It's a shame that the monster doesn't mind its own business.).

10) Double negatives.

11) A new one for me, but a good one; the conjunction "you're" (for "you are") ought to be pronounced "YOO-er," and not "YORE;" the latter should be reserved for the adjective "your." This phonic difference could eliminate lots of confusion in verbal conversations.

And finally, the Grammar Goof that annoys me most:
12) Making any of the above grammatical mistakes (or any other grammatical mistakes, for that matter) myself.


Added:
13) Saying/writing "should of" instead of "should have."

14) The combination "neither...or." The correct combo is "neither...nor."


I hope you've enjoyed my little list. I hope it is helpful to you. I hope my insistence on good grammar doesn't interfere with any friendships (I'll do my best), because that would be very sad and pathetic on my part. I hope I didn't make any mistakes in the list, because that would be really embarrassing.